


Nobody Expects a Cheeseburger

by LaEmperatrizMariana



Category: Transformers - All Media Types
Genre: An abhorrent lack of cheeseburgers, Hate Sex, Infidelity, Other, rudeness
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-26
Updated: 2015-09-26
Packaged: 2019-06-29 21:38:13
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,306
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15737820
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LaEmperatrizMariana/pseuds/LaEmperatrizMariana
Summary: After an attempt to summon Unicron, Galvatron is sacrificed as a last resort to save the ritual but it was all for nothing. Before he knew it, Galvatron finds himself in the dark universe where he meets with his old friend, Nova Prime. Then they interface because this is porn.





	Nobody Expects a Cheeseburger

**Author's Note:**

> You know those pathetic imitations that are made to leech off the success of other better stories? This is one of those stories and it’s also heavily dialogue-driven. And [KinkStone](https://archiveofourown.org/users/KinkStone/profile), I had to go offline several hours yesterday because of Galvatron’s burn. I like things well-done and this was char-grilled to perfection well as close as this lousy story can get to it.
> 
> This story was originally published on Tumblr, but I decided to repost it here because it's so stupid and horrible.

His body was ripped apart and began re-materializing as he tumbled gently to the ground. Galvatron had a vague idea of what had happened to him. The last thing he remembered was seeing Optimus Prime activate the Matrix of Leadership attempting to banish Unicron from their plane of existence. Then he offlined and woke up in this strange shadowy land.  He tried to figure out where he was but his focus was erratic. Galvatron panicked. He started shooting at random until he calmed down. 

Out of the kicked up dust, Galvatron spotted a figure floating towards him. For an astrosecond, he mistook the figure for an angel. But then he remembered he was literally in Hell, so he assumed his fighting stance. However, his legs were weak and he fell flat on his face. He heard a familiar shrill cackling laugh. 

“Ugh…it can’t be…” Galvatron coughed, trying to clear out his vents.

Emerging from the dust, was an old acquaintance, Nova Prime. “Is this how you greet an old friend? Presenting yourself to me in such a lewd manner as a token of peace? I find it rather unfitting for a proud warrior as yourself.”

“Quit staring at my aft!” shouted Galvatron. 

“Very well,” replied Nova as he kicked Galvatron over, turning him face up. “I didn’t want your crinkly dried-up valve anyway.  Especially after what you, your harem, and Jhiaxus did to me; leaving me to die…” 

“But you’re already dead!” Galvatron violently pointed at Nova in outrage. 

“Whatever,” scoffed Nova as he slapped Galvatron’s hand away, “You’re stuck here with me until another portal is opened.”

“Another?” Galvatron sat up, “Are you blind, Nova? My portal is on the verge of opening. Soon, both of us will return to our world.”

“Look again,” Nova pointed at the opening in which a vibrant light seeped into the darkness. Flabbergasted, Galvatron sat up seeing the portal he had created collapse before his eyes. He was so distraught he failed to notice Nova’s smug grin.

“You’re not the first to try this,” sighed Nova, “countless mechs have tried summoning Unicron from deep within this dark universe but all have failed. I already know when it’s likely to fail. Though I must admit, you’ve been one of the closest ones yet. Often I wonder if engineering would have a better chance than magical rituals…”

Galvatron raised an eyebrow since Nova’s statement sounded more like something Jhiaxus would say.

“…In the meantime, it’s still a race,” Nova crouched down next to Galvatron, “which one of us – you, me, and Jhiaxus, will succeed in summoning Unicron back into the known universe. The winner gets bestowed the greatest of blessings. By that I mean power.”

“You’ve lost,” smirked Galvatron, “you’re stuck here doing nothing.“

“Nothing, you say?” Nova chuckled, “while you were out, I’ve been getting better acquainted with this world. At this point, I’ve mastered in manipulating it to my every whim. Though manipulation and control have always been my special talents.”

“Prove it,” replied Galvatron.

“Very well,” Nova whispered as his frame changed his form. Before Galvatron knew it, he was face-to-face with Cyclonus. Galvatron’s eyes widened with surprise. Nova got closer to Galvatron and gave him a gentle kiss in the cheek. Galvatron’s face became hot.

Nova then shook his head, “You disappoint me. It hasn’t even been a day and you’ve already forgotten your beloved purple bunny. At least with me, it’s been many millennia since I’ve last laid with my conjunx endura. We were very close and I know he misses me deeply. For that reason, I plan to give him a reunion he’ll never forget. As a warrior, you should know how important it is to hone one’s skills.”

“Damn it Nova!” shouted Galvatron, shoving him away, “you used your dirty trick on me.”

“I haven’t made it dirty yet…” Nova still in Cyclonus’ form, “but if that’s your wish…I’ll oblige.” Nova chuckled at Galvatron’s confusion. Without warning, he reached between Galvatron’s legs and began rubbing Galvatron’s external node.

Galvatron wanted to growl, but instead he moaned. Nova laughed at his state. Galvatron then began shouting obscenities at Nova, but the fact that Nova’s touch equaled Cyclonus’, Galvatron’s body felt little need to resist. It had been a long time since Cyclonus had used his digits on him like that.

“Galvatron,” said Nova in a soft, gentle tone, “your valve drier than most of the crackers I’ve ever eaten. But that doesn’t mean I won’t have a taste.” Nova spread Galvatron’s valve open and stuck his tongue right in, before quickly pulling out. “I don’t know what’s saltier, your attitude or your mummified valve.”

“Maybe it wouldn’t be so dry and salty, if you’d actually know how to pleasure someone,” Galvatron smirked, “I feel terrible for your poor sweet conjunx endura. Perhaps he stayed with you because he felt sorry for your weak…AH!!” Nova bit on Galvatron’s external node. Without warning, Galvatron squirted all over his face.

Nova wiped his face without saying much and began to beatbox a complex melody into Galvatron’s valve. Something about beatboxing calmed Nova down. Perhaps it was because he drowned out the disapproving cries he heard inside his head. Annoyed by the repetitive, yet sick beat, Galvatron shouted, “Put a plug in it!”

Nova grinned smugly and then slipped in his spike and began thrusting into him. “Galvatron, your valve is so loose. Either you like what I’m doing or you’ve done it with a metrotitan. I’m guessing it’s the latter because you’re envious of the type of person I’ve become.”

“Envious of  _what_?” scoffed Galvatron, “your spike is so small you think a metrotitan stretched me out.  _Ugh!_  I’m pretty sure that’s the real reason you couldn’t increase Cybertron’s population with your conjunx endura. You spoke of expansion, yet not been able to achieve it yourself.”

“…I’ll show you expansion…” Nova snarled as he reverted back to his normal form. However, he suddenly altered the shape and texture of his spike. It was thicker and rougher in texture. Galvatron felt the change too, he grunted softly but tried to play it off as if nothing had bothered him.

Nova continued to thrust into Galvatron but rapidly began changing the shape of his spike. “What the hell are you doing?!” screamed Galvatron, his voice quivering.

“What does it look like?!” replied Nova, who began flapping his wings angrily, “I’m giving you a taste of my powers!”

Galvatron then yelled at Nova some more but his words were reduced indistinct yelping. The unpredictable changes started overwhelming his system. He felt both a mix of refreshing pain and uncomfortable pleasure. It had been way too long since he was fragged  liked that. Part of him also wanted to attack Nova for dominating him. Confused by his state, Galvatron’s mind was racing erratically.

Sparks were flying everywhere because the friction of their frames rubbing against each other was too intense. Somehow nothing caught fire despite the abundance of dark energon. (Dark energon being just as flammable as the regular energon.) Eventually both of them came, defiling the plane of existence they found themselves in. When they realized what they had done, it was too late. None of them cared anymore, both were disillusioned and bitter. They turned and exchanged soulless gazes at each other.

If Unicron didn’t want them to interface inside of him, he shouldn’t have devoured  Galvatron. Galvatron put his servo on Nova’s cheek. Nova felt bad for talking scrap to his former friend. Seeing that the two of them were trapped there for what was most likely an eternity, it seemed like a wise idea to become reacquainted. They interfaced once more, this time both of them took turns trying to roast Unicron. If they were to escape, they needed to work together as a team.

**Author's Note:**

> I had watched several cute parrot videos for inspiration. In fact, [the title is taken from this particular video at the 0:39 mark](https://youtu.be/hNavxvvN9QI?t=39s).


End file.
